i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
