So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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