time to smoke my breakfast
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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