If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
