Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
