Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
