someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
