mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's intense
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
