I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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