He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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