Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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