I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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