I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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