For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize