It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
