I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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