Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
