I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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