You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
