There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
