she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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