if i can run in heels then i can drive
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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