Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
