his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bring me that man meat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
