Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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