he puts the penis in happiness.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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