I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
