Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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