last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
