some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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