too bad you live with your parents still
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
