Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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