dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
