You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
