Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
