If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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