Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I supernannyed him into submission
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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