Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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