I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
