so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
