im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
