She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
