North Korea, Best Korea!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
