On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
