Got a toothbrush?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
