Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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