I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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