Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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