It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
