Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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