Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
