mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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