Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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