The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
