So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
