Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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