I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
