im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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