I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
