Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's blow job season.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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