you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
