I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
false alarm, still single
Randomize
